Love Me Better
by MissA79
Summary: AH/AU-Elena has loved Damon for years. Damon has loved Katherine for just as long, but so has Stefan.
1. Prologue

This idea just came into my head. So I sat down to write and just came up with a bunch of stuff. I know where I want to go with it. Let me know what you guys think of it! :)

* * *

**~Prologue~  
**

**April 2014**

She doesn't even have to turn around to know who followed her up here. All she wanted was five minutes to compose herself after their fight. She knew the minute the person who was staring daggers at her, she was positive of that, saw them that there would be a confrontation.

"What do you want Katherine?"

"I want what I have always wanted. You gone."

"Why?"

"It's simple really. I. Hate. You."

"Well Katherine, I hate you too. It's old news. I'd ask you why you hate me considering I never did anything to you but I don't need to ask something I already know."

"Enlighten me then darling. I'd love to hear it." The saccharine laced voice goes right through her. She wishes he could see how fake she was.

"I have what the others didn't. Sage wanted him to be just like her, Lexi wanted him to be some better version of what she thought he should be, Rose just wanted someone to replace the love she lost and Andie wanted to make her way to the top any way she could. I know him, all of him, all the bad and all of the good. I've seen it and I love him despite it all. I have never wanted him for any other reason that I just love him. I don't want to change him. I never have. You can say you loved him longer and I do believe you love him in some way but I can love him better. I do love him. Stefan is one of my best friends Katherine. He told me that you thought Damon loved me. You saw that I make him happy the way he deserves, even if he doesn't know how I love him. That's why you went after him. You knew Stefan would never choose me over you, but Damon was tired of waiting for you. That's when Sage and the others came into the picture. When he was tired of all of them he came home. To me. I am his home Katherine. You can be his slut, you can be his wife, but you will never be his home. So when you saw that you were losing him you had to pull him back in. Why won't you just let him go Katherine? We both know you are in love with Stefan."

"Not long ago you were in love with Stefan."

"If you were in love with the first person you would have never fell in love with the second."

"I did."

"No! You fell in love with Stefan first, you were never in love with Damon. Even he knows that deep down. He did everything he could to get you to give him a chance and you threw it back in his face by dating his brother. How he forgave you I will never know."

"If he knows that deep down then why is he with me Elena? Why is he not here with you?"

Her taunting is the worst because it has a purpose. That's what hurts Elena most of all. Katherine being right, when she's just _so_ wrong.

"Because he so wants to believe that the first person he fell in love with loves him back. Because he wants to believe he is your first choice, not Stefan."

"Oh Elena, you were always the love sick one. Here's the thing Ms. do the right thing all the time, like you said he doesn't know you love him. You are his best friend and that's all your ever going to be. Even if he thought for a second he did love you I am the one he's going to marry him."

The word marry hits her like a ton of bricks. The breath is knocked right out of her. All she knows is he can't marry her. She has known marriage was a possibility but it never seemed real until she heard the confirmation from Katherine.

"Why?"

"Because I can."

"Can't you just give me a real answer? You know Damon loves you, you know Stefan is in love with you so why hurt both of them?"

"You know the answer to that. Damon is the head of Salvatore Enterprises. He is powerful, and strong. I like strong and powerful Elena. Stefan knows that. He also knows I love him, and that he will always be my first choice. Again dear, as per your words, I do love Damon, and I just as much love using your own words against you."

"You have both the Salvatore's wrapped around your finger and I just don't see how they don't see what a manipulative bitch you are. They will, one day and you will be so sorry."

"Is that a threat?"

"It's a promise."

"And what are you going to do? Tell Damon? Stefan loves Damon too much to come between his brother and the girl his brother has loved for so long. That's why he let me go. Not because I was a fling or he didn't love me. Damon knows a part of me always will love Stefan, but he thinks I'm in love with him. That's what matters. He will never believe what you say."

"I will though."

They both turn with a gasp to see the man in the door way. Elena can tell by his face he heard the whole conversation.

In that moment her heart breaks for both brothers. She knows there is a real possibility that Katherine's love will cause the brothers hate for one another that neither might be able to forgive.

* * *

So which brother do you think heard their conversation?


	2. One

**Chapter 1**

**July 2013**

Elena wakes up to pounding on her front door. She rolls over and looks at the clock. She doesn't question who it is she just slips out of bed. Not bothering to get her robe. She knows how this goes. It's nothing new. When they were younger he use to sneak in her window all the time. Her parents would have never allowed a boy to stay over. Especially Damon Salvatore. It seemed everyone except him knew that she was in love with him. Now that they were adults he could simply use the front door, and at all hours it seemed.

"Damon. It's three o'clock in the morning."

"I broke up with Andie."

"And your drunk, that's never a good combination. Come on in. I'll get you some water."

She gets a glass of water and two Advil. She makes her way upstairs, he's already lying in her bed waiting on her. She sets both down on her night stand and crawls in next to him. He pulls her close. He reeks of alcohol and a smell that is all him. Peppermint and something she can never place. She inhales then takes a breath before they start talking. She never knows how these late nights will go. Some are calm and quite. He talks and she just holds him. She brushes his hair away from his face and holds onto him like he's going to vanish if she doesn't. Others he gets angry, he brings up that past, he wants to lash out. She talks him down. She's the only one who can. Not his brother and never his flavor of the week. Surprisingly those aren't the nights that tire her the most. It's the calm nights where he is just in her grasp yet so far away. Her mind races with 'what if's', those are the thoughts that keep her awake.

"What happened Damon?"

He looks her in the eyes as if he has all the answers and none at the same time. His eyes hold everything. They are a sea of answers, questions, snarky comments, fears, and most of all waves and waves of love.

"She was never going to love me and I sure as hell was never going to love her. Why not get out before it got messy?"

"You always get out before it gets messy."

"Want to know the truth?"

"Always."

"I am a mess."

"Your not."

"Your the only one who thinks that."

"That's because I know you. Come on, lets go to sleep. As Scarlet says _'Tomorrow is another day.'_" She quotes his favorite book as she always does, it gives him some sort of comfort.

"Sleep does sound really good."

Any other night she wouldn't want their conversation to end, but tonight he really does seem tired.

They roll over and hold onto each other like it's the most natural thing in the world for them, and really it is. They have done it too many times to remember. He pulls her close to him and she sinks back into his chest. The most safe place in the world to her.

"Coming here to you Elena is like coming home. There's no place better, and there is never going to be a place I love more."

"Ditto."

It's all she can say because somehow his words sound like more than a simple 'I love you.'. She knows she will never forget them.

* * *

"Elena Gilbert!"

"Shh! Damon's still sleeping."

"First, I don't care. Second, if he can hear us from upstairs he should be out of your bed and walking out the door. He doesn't belong there."

"Here have a cup of coffee. Not that you need it. I swear you and energy are soul-mates."

"Thank you, I think. But that's besides the point. What is he doing here? Again."

"He broke up with Andie."

Her best fiend pulls her into the living room, but not before stopping to check the stairs for any sign of Damon. Oh yes, Elena knew where this was going. The both settle on the couch once Caroline is sure he isn't coherent enough to hear her rant.

"Elena we go through this every time. There is always another one. He comes here to you, then the two of you relentlessly spend time together until he finds the next one. You get hurt every time. You have got to stop trying to find these redeeming qualities you like to talk about so much."

"I don't have to try, they are there. He just doesn't let anyone see them."

"Elena, sweetie, there is one and I repeat only redeeming quality about Damon is that he loves you. He would do anything for you, he is always here for you, but at the same time it's his worst."

"How is that his worst?"

"Because he keeps you hooked. He does everything a boyfriend would do except have sex with you, and it's not healthy. He dates everyone and anyone who will say yes, and you sit here and pine away. You don't even date anymore. It's not right, and it's not fair."

"Life isn't fair. I just don't want anyone Caroline. That's all."

"Half true, you don't just want anyone. You want him and I wish I could tell you he will come to his senses, but I don't ever think he will. I am your best friend, roommate, nominated sister, and I love you, but Damon isn't capable of the kind of love you deserve."

"What if I'm okay with that?"

"Your not, I know your not, and you shouldn't have to be. You are better than that and you know it. Your just scared to let him go. Believe me I get it, you might think I'm just saying that but I'm not. Every now and then I'll see Damon with you and think if only someone loved me like that, but then just like that the illusion is destroyed. Like the time you and Bonnie went to that new bar in the next town and I had to stay home to finish up designs, you remember that?"

"Yeah."

"Jer surprised Bonnie, you decided to call it a night and some drunk jerk followed you to your car. I don't want to know what would have happened if Damon wasn't worried about you and decided to show up. He carried you inside, you were curled up in his arms, dried tears, you looked scared out of your mind, and he looked like a guy who wanted to murder the man who dared to touch his woman. He held you while you cried, he stayed all night. When I saw him with you I though that if only he could see how perfect the two of you are together, how much of a better man you make him, it would all work out so well, but he can't Elena. The next morning he stayed to make sure you were okay and went home to Rose like it was nothing."

"What's the point of this Care?"

"My point is if Damon loves you it's not enough. You have to let him go Elena. I hate that I have to say it. I love being right, but this time it sucks. I don't want you to always feel the way you do."

"It's just so hard."

"I know, but I'm here for you and so is Bonnie."

"Okay Care, I'll try, And to prove it I'm going to start dating."

"I know tons of guys I can hook you up with."

Seeing her best friend light up with that brilliant smile makes her happy. She just hopes that the idea is as brilliant as that smile.

"No way. If I'm going to date it's not going to be guys you know. I know guys you know. No thank you."

"Hey!"

"She's right Blondie. You have awful taste."

"Morning pretty." He walks over to Elena and sits down next to her on the couch. He kisses her forehead and takes a sip of her coffee. And Elena doesn't understand how something so right can't be right at all.

* * *

**August 2013**

It's been a month since his break-up with Andie, and things are back to the way they've always been with Damon and Elena for the most part. He spends the weeks working, and the weekends with her. It's the best non-relationship she's ever had. Except for the three days last week when he didn't show up for work. She called to check on him and he said he was just a little under the weather and not to worry.

Of course it didn't stop her, but when she got to his place he wasn't there. Which she found odd, she left the soup in the fridge and went home and two days later he came back to work. Now here they were on her couch for movie night as if he never disappeared for those seventy-two hours.

"Come to Atlanta with me next weekend."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Why are you going there?"

"Business." He walks over to his coat and pulls out the files from under it. He hands her the folders hoping they would make the difference. She had set up the accounts after all.

"Why would I come? I'm behind the scenes Damon."

"I have two meetings but they are three days apart. I'll be bored. Please 'Lena. I'll take you dancing."

"Damon, I have work."

"Elena, you work for me. I demand you take your vacation."

Elena sighs, this is the number one reason why she didn't want to work for Damon. Conflict of interest. But he needed her and she couldn't refuse. Giuseppe just died and a few people left the company not sure Damon could keep it up to the standard Giuseppe had. Just because she believed in him didn't mean others did too. It was their loss. He needed someone smart, who could hold their ground and help negotiate business proposals. Elena knew she could handle it so she said yes, but just temporarily.

That was three years ago.

"Damon, I have a date this weekend."

"Cancel, I would cancel for you."

It was true. If she needed him he wouldn't hesitate. the only thing that had her hesitate was Caroline finding out. She had finally agreed to go on a date, and Caroline would see this as trying to get out of it. Except she wasn't. She was excited about her date.

"I can't just leave him hanging Damon."

"Why?"

"It's rude."

"I'll explain. Give me his number. I'm sure he would understand."

"I'm sure he would. He is an understanding guy."

"Then what is the problem? Who is this guy anyway? When did you start dating? I bet he's a punk. No, he definitely is if Caroline suggested it, which I know she did. I'm telling you this loser doesn't deserve you."

"You shouldn't talk that way about your brother."

"What does Stefan have to-Stefan? Stefan is your date?"

"Yes."

"Why are you going out with Stefan?"

"Damon. Damon. Damon. Jealousy doesn't suite you."

"Shut up Blondie. I'm not jealous. It's just Stefan and Elena? I don't see it."

"Wait a second. You don't get to tell her who she can date. You are not her boy-"

"Both of you stop. I am going to go out with Stefan, but I will go with you Damon. I set up these meetings and I think me being there would be good. I have talked a lot with them, and I could use some time to relax."

"Elena."

"I got this Caroline. I know what I'm doing."

"I hope so."

* * *

I just wanted to say thanks for the reviews and follows! I appreciate them! :))


	3. Two

**Chapter 2**

**August 2013**

"Damon, this hotel is phenomenal."

"I know. That's why we are here."

"Only the best for King Salvatore, right?"

She should have expected nothing but the best. He was exactly that, _King Salvatore_, and everyone bowed down to him as such.

"You got it."

"Where is my room?"

"I figured we would just sleep together. We normally do when we spend the night at each others houses anyway."

"Right." She should have known this is how it would be before she agreed to come.

"I made dinner reservations for seven. Then I figured we could go dancing tonight. A promise is a promise."

"You just want to get it out of the way."

"You know me so well. You can grab a shower if you want. I got one before me left home. I have to respond to some emails."

"Okay. Thanks."

Elena locks the bathroom door behind her and drops her bag. She should not have come. Letting go of Damon was going to be hard to begin with.

Sleeping in the same bed with him for multiple nights in a row is turning her stomach into knots. She not only promised Caroline, but she promised herself. She thinks about telling Damon she's not feeling well and just getting another room.

That is until she sees a garment bag hanging on the shower rod. She walks over to it and opens it.

A blue silk dress, knee length, and low cut, with a small slit in the back. It's got to be one of the most beautiful dresses she's seen in a while, even though there is nothing special about it. It's plain and classy but there's a little bit of edge to it and it's _so_ her.

She wipes a tear off of her cheek. She wasn't even aware she was crying. It's silly really, the answer to why she's crying.

It's because Damon picked this out. This is how well he knows her. No one could have gotten everything right with out knowing her the way he does. She hops in the shower and washes away all traces of tears.

Afterwards she adds a little bit of make-up and leaves her hair curly. Everything goes so well together. It's almost as if he knew it would. She feels the knots in her stomach again. This time she can't figure out why, this is really no different than any other business trip.

She's fooling herself, even if she doesn't know it yet.

She takes a deep breath and opens the door.

"Damn Elena. You look beautiful."

And _GOD_ does she feel it. Beautiful, free and alive. His eyes are glued to her, staring straight at her as if he's never seen her before. No one else in the world could make her feel the way she's feeling right now.

"Thanks for the dress."

"I wanted to surprise you. I saw it the other day when I was booking the hotel. It popped up with my confirmation number saying to be sure to check out the boutique in the lobby. I knew it belonged to you the moment my eyes saw it, and I was right. It's perfect."

He takes her breath away with the most simple words.

"I love it."

"I'll go get ready. I won't be long."

* * *

Dinner is perfect, he takes her to a small but fancy restaurant called Cello's. They serve her favorite, Calamari, he tells her. He orders her favorite wine and she can't help but wonder why. He has always treated her good, but he's out right spoiling her now.

Elena being Elena doesn't want to ruin dinner and she won't never pass up a chance to see Damon dance. He's always so elegant. Like he came straight out of the 1800's with his moves.

They talk over dinner, and its as easy as ever. After they finish he takes her out back to the gorgeous patio where there a few couples dancing. There are dim lanterns hung above their heads. There is jazz music playing in the background.

It's as if he's been in her dreams. He pulls her onto the floor and wraps his arms around her.

They feel like they belong there.

She wishes he could see it, but Caroline is right. He just doesn't.

It breaks her heart.

She pushes the though out of her mind and decides to just be in the moment.

So they just keep dancing, and before they know it the place is ready to close. He asks her if they could walk back to the hotel and she agrees. Elena tries to find a simple way to ask what this night was really about. The dress, the food and wine, the dancing.

It's all too much, then again Damon is always too much. She's accustomed to it but for some reason she can't shake the fact that tonight he had a motive behind it all.

"So why Stefan?"

His question takes her by surprise.

_'Cause he's the closest I'll ever get to being with you'_.

It's the first thing that comes to her mind. She hates herself for even thinking it. She loves Stefan, they have been friends for so long, why not?

"Why not Stefan?"

"I just don't think he's your type."

"And what is my type?"

"Based on your previous boyfriends, douche-bags."

"Well then I guess I should be glad that Stefan isn't."

"I just don't think it's a good idea Elena."

"Why not?"

"Look, Stefan is mad at me right now, and he knows how close we are I'm just worried he's going to come between us."

"Why is Stefan mad at you?"

Damon looks at her in a way she knows is going to crush her. She can feel it. She knew it the minute she stepped into the hotel room that something wasn't right.

"I'm seeing Katherine."

"What?" She whispers.

"I ran into her two weeks ago and she was telling me that her and Stefan just weren't right for each other. We started talking and before I knew it we were back at my place. She told me that she chose the wrong brother. I have always wanted Katherine. You know that. She was suppose to be mine."

"I can't even look at you right now Damon."

"Don't be like that Elena." He grabs her arm to stop her from walking away from him.

"Suppose to be yours? She isn't property. She had plenty of chances to have you. You know she's lying. You've seen her with Stefan. They love each other."

"Stefan said Kat was right, that it was fine."

"That's because Stefan is a better man than you Damon! He lied to you because he loves you more than he loves her. He's your brother! The two of you have been best friends your whole life. I have never seen siblings that get along that well. Wait...tell me you didn't bring me here, that all this wasn't to get me to smooth things over and make sure he was okay so you could feel better about yourself?"

"Elena..."

"No. Don't, this is low for even you Damon. I'm going home. I'm going home to Stefan. I'm going on that date, and don't worry he won't be what comes between you and I. You did a bang up job on your own. "

"I'd never let anything come between us, you know it. You are my best friend Elena, I love you."

"Yeah, well maybe that's the problem."

She leaves him standing there shell shocked. She never meant for those words to come out so bitter. Damon's love for her has never been a problem, it's her love for him that's the real problem. Elena is proud of herself. She doesn't shed any tears. She takes her time on the walk back to the hotel, and when she gets there she's not ready to face him quite yet so she makes a detour to the hotel bar.

She orders a single shot of bourbon and takes a seat at a corner table.

She has no idea what she's doing. Trying to move onto one Salvatore while she loves another. Pulling a Katherine while trying to be nothing like her. What was wrong with her? She asks herself the question over and over again and can't come up with a single answer. Finally she downs the shot and makes her way back upstairs to pack her things.

She changes into her regular clothes. The right thing to do would be to leave the dress but she's selfish, especially when it comes to Damon. She wants to hold onto this small piece of him. Maybe he wanted to use this trip to get her to help him out with Stefan, but him getting her the dress was nothing but Damon being the Damon she knows.

She books a flight for seven in the morning. Only six more hours until departure, and four until she has to leave. Unwilling to share a bed with him when he gets back she curls up on the couch.

A crash wakes her up, and she quickly leans over to turn on the light as she sees Damon stumble in.

"Your still here."

"Earliest flight isn't for a few more hours."

"You are leaving me."

"Yes."

"Elena, I'm sorry. I didn't want things to go like this."

"Well they did Damon."

"You know me Elena, I've never been a good guy. I don't know why you expect so much of me."

"Maybe because I do know you Damon."

"Well maybe I'm just tired of living up to your expectations."

"I never asked you to!"

"Bullshit! 'Be the better man Damon.' 'You can't do things like that around me Damon.' 'Your better than this Damon.' What do you call that?"

"I call that reminding you who you are because you have a tendency to forget. It's almost time for my flight. I'm just going to wait at the airport."

"Don't leave."

"I have to. I can't stay."

"Did you mean it? About me..."

She knows what he's asking. He's always had a hard time with loving people. Really, she shouldn't have thrown it in his face. She was one of the few lucky ones to see what his love was like. But she also knows that this is the only way.

"Yes."

"I never meant it to."

She hates the broken look she sees in his eyes. Her tears show up now. Free falling, she can't stop them and she doesn't want to.

"I know Damon. We hurt those we love the most though, right? I can't be what you need me to be anymore Damon. You have Katherine now."

"Are you asking me to choose?"

"No, I'd never do that. I don't even want to know the answer. I don't think you could choose, and if you did I think you would choose her because you think I'll just forgive you. Once upon a time you were my salvation. I will never forget that, but I can't be your redemption anymore. I'm going home Damon, and I think we should keep our distance, okay?"

"You make it sound like I've lost you forever."

"You have."

She puts the final nail in the coffin, and walks out the door without a second thought to look back.


	4. Three

**Chapter 3**

**August 2013**

Elena sits at her vanity mirror and takes a long gaze at herself. She almost can't believe she's done it, but she has. Just what she said she would do. She hasn't spoken to Damon in three weeks and she's going on her sixth date with Stefan. Things were so easy with them. They would talk, and laugh for hours. He took her to dinner, and the movies for their first date. Typical, and simple and she loved it. They went on a long walk in the park and had a picnic, he took her to a play at the theater, and the others they cooked at home. Her home.

Going to the boarding house was hard for Elena. She didn't want to chance running into Damon so she offered to make dinner at her place using the excuse she could have everything ready by the time Stefan got off work, but tonight was Sunday. She knew she couldn't avoid it. Yes, Damon had his own apartment but he spent a lot of time at the boarding house.

Elena hadn't seen him since the night she left him in Atlanta. He had tried to call her, but she never answered. He showed up three times but Caroline sent him away. He never even uttered a word when Caroline ranted and raved at him. Even Damon was afraid of a pissed off Caroline. It had been a whole week with nothing from him. She tried not to worry. It wasn't her job anymore.

"If you keep rubbing that foundation on the same spot you are going to rub it all off. Two toned is not a good facial look for a date."

"Shit." She says putting down the make-up brush.

"You okay, El?"

"Fine Caroline."

"We could talk about it. You really haven't said much."

"There really isn't much left to say."

"Now I know your lying. Maybe Damon was right I shouldn't have pushed for this."

"Don't. You. Dare. Damon was not right. I'm having fun with Stefan. I like him."

"You have always liked Stefan. I mean, what's not to like? He's the good brother. Maybe he's just not the right brother."

"What the hell is going on Care? You wanted me to date. You were ecstatic when I told you I was going out with Stefan."

"I know! I just didn't think you'd keep dating him."

"And there is something wrong with that?"

"There is if it's for the wrong reason."

"I'm dating Stefan because I want to. I like him."

"I know you do, but can you honestly tell me that part of the reason isn't because he's Damon's brother?"

"I am not Katherine!"

"That's not what I'm saying. I just think that you are with Stefan because he's the closet thing you can have to Damon."

Elena freezes and looks up at Caroline through the mirror. Right there. Those words are Elena's thoughts, fears spoken out loud. She swallows, and knows she looks like a deer caught in headlights.

"I'm turning into my worst nightmare."

"No, Elena, you aren't. I know you genuinely like Stefan. I know that _you_ don't think you are using him. I just want you to be sure that it's real."

"What am I doing Care? I don't even know anymore."

"Your letting go of the love of your life. I'm worried you are really going to try and make it work with Stefan, but for the wrong reasons. If you can tell me when you look at Stefan you don't see Damon I think you should go to dinner tonight and see where things go. Take a leap. A real one."

"I know Stefan and Damon are brothers, I know they are somewhat alike, but when I look at Stefan I know he isn't Damon. He can never be Damon."

"Good. That's good. Lets get you out of here then. Don't want to keep Stef waiting."

* * *

"So can you actually cook?"

"I'm hurt Elena, I am Italian after all. I know Damon has cooked for you plenty times."

"I just-I wasn't sure if you did too."

"Of course." He pours two glasses of wine and hands her one. White Zinfandel. "Have a seat. Dinner will be ready shortly."

"This is my favorite."

"I know. I wouldn't be surprised if Damon had stock in it. There are about ten cases down in the wine cellar."

She smiles and laughs it off. She always wondered how Damon always seemed to have it on hand. He did it for her. Her heart betrays her by skipping a beat at the thought.

"Elena?"

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"Is this weird? Being in Damon's house without him?"

"It's your house too Stefan."

"Your usually only here with him though."

"Things change. People change."

"How about a toast? To change."

They both drink to that.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why are you here Elena?"

She almost chokes on her wine. Was he seeing what she tried to hard not to let anyone see? Was this Stefan figuring out what was going on in her head just like Caroline?

"Excuse me?"

"Did Damon put you up to this?"

"What? No!"

"I just...I know you would do anything for Damon."

Okay, maybe she wasn't _that_ transparent, but Stefan knew something was up. She couldn't blame him. He'd be blind not to figure something was wrong with her.

"I haven't spoken to Damon in weeks Stefan."

"Oh. I just didn't know if he asked you to hang around to lessen the blow."

"I may do a lot of things for Damon but I would never try to placate you for him. That's his job, he's the one who screwed up. He shouldn't have done what he did and I''m sorry for that but I'm here because I want to be."

She takes Stefan's hand in hers, she needs him to know that she is being honest. She's here for him _not_ Damon.

He nods in complete understanding.

"That's good to know. One more question."

"Go ahead."

"Why aren't you speaking to Damon?"

"Maybe I just got tired of trying to be what he needed. People change, sometimes friendships don't last."

"I know you better than that. You know your not like the rest of them, you stuck by him at his worst. So what's the real reason?"

"I just don't like who Damon is anymore."

"I find that hard to believe you are the only person I know who can't seem to hate Damon for being a monster sometimes. I hate him quite a bit and he's my brother, but you? You have never once even come close to hating him."

"Maybe I do now."

"The question is why. I think your hiding something, but dinners ready and I don't think your ready to tell me the real reason. So lets let it go and have a good night, huh?"

"I think that's a great idea Stefan."

He leads her into the dining room and pulls out a chair for her. All the Salvatore were gentlemen. She remembers Dam- Stefan's father did the same thing for their mother. After dinner they find themselves wrapped up in a blanket on the floor watching an old horror movie. She lets herself just be, and it's nice to know that someone else can make her feel comfortable. That being in another mans arms is good with her. He holds her hand and rubs the top of it with his thumb. Elena has never seen Stefan in boyfriend mode. It's the small things he does that make her see how easy it was for Katherine to fall in love with him.

She's glad when Stefan falls asleep though. She's not ready to take it that far yet. Hell she isn't even ready to sleep in another mans arms. She moves quietly and slowly not to wake him. She grabs a piece of paper and pen and writes him she'll call him. She makes it out the front door without waking him. She leans her head against the door with a smile.

"Didn't know you were the kind of girl to love em' and leave em'."

Needless to say he's scared the shit out of her. Sitting in the corner where she can barely see him. It's kind of poetic. Damon has always had some darkness in him and now here he sits in blackness sounding almost content.

"Dammit Damon. You scared me. What are you doing here?"

"I came to see my little brother. Saw you two about to go at it and excused myself."

What? How had they not heard him come in?

"Making out doesn't always lean to sex."

"In my world it does."

"Well your world is screwed up."

"Is that why you removed yourself from it?"

"Do we have to do this here? Now?"

"Where else would we do 'this' then Elena? At your place? I'm banned. You won't answer your phone. I'm starting to think you changed your schedule at work because I never see you anymore. So when Elena?"

"I told you Damon..."

She does not want to repeat those words again. She barely managed to get them out the first time around.

"I know. You said I lost you forever, but I don't believe you. I think your lying to me, and your lying to yourself."

"You are a smug bastard aren't you? Go home to Katherine."

She walks away from him before he can say another word. Because he's right, she is lying. Not just to him, not just to herself, but everyone.

She leaves him standing alone for the third time.

Another part of her hear breaks, they were never suppose to leave each other behind.

* * *

What did you think? I hope you guys liked it. I'm trying to slowly subtly make everyone and Damon see that it's just not friendship love he feels for Elena. And mostly they are the only ones that don't end up seeing it. Let me know what you think. :)


	5. Four

**Chapter 4  
**

**September 2013**

"Can we talk Elena?"

"Sure, what's up Care?"

"What happened when you left Stefan's last weekend?"

"Everything went fine. Why?"

"He called me yesterday and asked if there was something going on with you that he should know about. I told him I didn't think so, that you told me how well everything was with the two of you. I asked him why he thought that."

"And?"

"He said that Damon barged into the house the night you left and went on a rampage about how he was trying to take Damon's place in your life. Stefan said he told Damon that you told him it was his fault you didn't want to be around him anymore. He told me Damon said that he was just making him pay for Katherine, that all he wanted was a substitute. He thought maybe Damon told you the same thing since you've been off all week. Everyone knows something is going on with you Elena, and now Damon's losing his shit. I can handle him, but now Stefan and Damon are fighting over you too."

"I never meant for any of this to happen Caroline. I don't know how this is getting so out of control. Wait. You said you can handle Damon. What did he say to you?"

"His usual. He just said I started this all, that I wanted you away from him. Maybe if he wasn't such an ungrateful ass I wouldn't want that."

"Tell me that isn't what you told him."

"Eh, well. Sort of."

"Caroline! What did you say to him?"

_"This is your fault Caroline."_

_"Damon. To what do I owe this displeasure? I'm busy."  
_

_"Your working on your stupid clothes."_

_"These stupid clothes give me income Damon. Did you ever hear of designer? Oh, of course you did. You've been in designer clothes since the day you left the hospital. Guess we can't all be Damon Salvatore rich. Most of us have to work hard for a living."_

_"Shut up."_

_"Don't tell me to shut up, this is my place. You came to me Damon. What do you want?"_

_"I want...I need to know how to get Elene to forgive me."_

_"I can't help you Damon._

_"No, you just don't want to."_

_"Your right. I don't, but I would do it for Elena if I knew it was what she wanted."_

_"She's never been mad at me this long. You can't tell me it's not bothering her."_

_"No, your right I can't, but you did this Damon. You tried to use her. You claim to love her yet you wanted to use her in your fight with Stefan. He's her friend, and Elena is not cruel like you Damon. To put her in that situation was wrong. The worst part of all of this is I know you love her. I've seen it Damon. I just don't think you see it clearly."_

_"What's that suppose to mean?"_

_"It means that your an ungrateful ass. You lost her because you are so wrapped up in something that you know is wrong. So I can't help you because Elena deserves better." _

_"You know what I think Blondie?"_

_"What?"_

_"I think your glad I did something to screw up my friendship with Elena. You've always hated it."_

_"Your a dick Damon. Elena loves you, you made her happy. Maybe I don't like you but I'm not happy about any of this. Know why?"_

_"Enlighten me."_

_"Because unlike you I care about how it affects everyone, not just myself. And Elena is hurting. That's not a win in my book. No matter how much I dislike you. Now get out of my shop."_

_"You can hate me all you want blonde, say whatever you want but Elena needs me too. We both have Jer, I have Stefan and she has you. That's all fine and dandy but when it comes down to it, when one of us is on the edge of the cliff the only way we survive is each other. So maybe I am selfish but Elena is everything to me."_

"He left me speechless. I had nothing to say Elena. All I know that I was wrong and so are you."

"This is not working out like I thought it would."

"El, I have to ask. What did you say to Damon for him to be freaking out this bad? I know Damon is accustomed to getting what he wants but he genuinely looks like he's having a hard time. I actually felt bad for sticking it to him for once. That never happens."

"I told him that his love was a problem. I knew it was the only way to hurt him to get him to stay away. I know how hard it is for him to trust that someone can love him, I know how his Dad treated him and I know how everyone loves Stefan. I still threw it in his face. I am like Katherine. I used what I knew was his weakness to hurt him. the worst part? It didn't even work. He still isn't letting it go. He saw Stefan and I kissing and he thought we had sex. He tried to talk to me when I was leaving and I shot him down. I know how he gets when he's hurt and I didn't care. I don't know how else to keep us apart. I knew it would take something big that's why I said what I said. It only made things worse."

"Sweetie. You need to listen to me. Really listen. You need to figure things out with Stefan. See if your really in it and if your not end it. Tell Damon he just went too far this time. Set them straight and then focus on you. You need to be okay with out him in your life. You can't say one thing and do another. Not anymore. It's screwing you up. I still don't think that Damon is capable of loving you the way you love him but he does love you Elena, in his own twisted way."

"Do you know when I first realized I was in love with Damon?"

"You mean he did something so epic that there was an exact moment?"

"Care."

"Okay, okay. No. Tell me."

"It was when I read Gone With The Wind. He was my Rhett. My snarky, self-absorbed, handsome, love of my life Rhett. I was so determined to have him. To keep him, and not let him go like Scarlett let Rhett go. I did anyway, I became just like her. Scarlett never let Rhett know how much she loved him, she threw things in his face, and she pushed him away. It made her miserable. I'm miserable Care."

"It's Damon's favorite book too isn't it?"

"Yeah. He's says he's suave like Rhett."

"That's why it's his favorite? God, only that guy can turn a classic into something so macho."

"No, it's because it was his moms favorite book. And no matter how much Damon likes to be the tough guy he wants love. All consuming love. I remember when he first let me borrow his book. I went to return it and he wasn't home so I gave it to Isabella and she told me how special I must be because Damon never let anyone touch that book. He told me after she died that his mom use to read him that book all the time. It's how she taught him to read. She bought him a first edition before she died. He keeps it on the mantel. Never touched, frozen with the last touch of his mother. That is my Damon. Letting him go made me feel physically sick Care. Letting someone go that isn't even yours to let go shouldn't feel like that. I feel like a part of myself is missing without him. I can't do it anymore Caroline. I don't want to. I'd rather his friendship than nothing at all."

"No one said that you couldn't be friends Elena. Even I never expected that."

"I just need him in my life. That's all."

"El, your one of the strongest people I know."

"I'm strong because of him."

* * *

It's almost midnight when Elena makes her way to Damon's front door. She finally worked up the courage to go see him, and she knows she has to do it now. No matter the time.

"What are you doing here?"

"I...um...I was talking to Caroline and-"

"Caroline is why your here?"

He looks at her stunned. Not even the part of him that conjured up reasons that she would come to see him thought that it would be because of Caroline. He thought that he could count that conversation completely out.

"Yeah. She told me you came into the store the other day. I think we need to talk Damon."

"Why now?"

"Because what you told Caroline is true. The only way we survive is with each other. It's been that way for years."

He's puzzled. It's always been that way, and he knows she knows it. But more than he knows that he knows Elena Gilbert. There is more.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm just wondering how your going to use those words against me when it suites you."

"Damon. That's not fair."

"You were purposely trying to hurt me. You can't even deny it."

"And you can't deny you were going to use me in your relationship with Stefan!"

They are both silent. Damon is too stubborn to break it.

"I didn't come here to fight with you."

"Why did you come here then?"

"Because I want to be friends Damon. I have always wanted that. I just don't think it should be the way it was anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because your with Katherine."

"You mean because of Stefan?"

"No. Shit Damon. No. We cannot be these people that run to each other, count on each other for everything when we have significant others. It's not healthy. We can be there for each other, we can talk, but it can't be business trips, sleeping in the same bed, calls at all hours of the night. I want you in my life Damon, but being each others everything as friends doesn't work. I'm sure Katherine doesn't like it and I know Stefan wouldn't. No guy or girl wants the person they're in a relationship with to go running to someone else. It just can't work."

"So what? I can be your Caroline?"

"I don't know how Care would take that, but kind of, yeah. "

"I'm more than Caroline."

"Damon. Don't. Please."

"What's really going on Elena? There is something you aren't telling me. What is it?"

"It's nothing. Let it go."

"Not until you tell me what it is."

"Damon. I'm okay. Are we?"

"Yeah, we're fine Elena."

"Good. I guess I'll see you around."

"Guess so."

They both nod politely at each other before Elena turns to leave. Damon knows that Elena is hiding something from him. Damon also knows that if Elena doesn't tell him he's never going to be able to find it out. No one would spill Elena's secret if they knew it. Everyone close to her was loyal as a fault to her.

Everyone loved Elena Gilbert. He couldn't blame them for one second, he loved her too.

* * *

"Who was at the door?"

"Elena."

"What did she want?"

"To talk."

"At this hour? It couldn't wait until morning?"

"Apparently not."

"Really Damon? Are you so blind you can't see what is right in front of you?"

"What does that mean Kat?"

"Elena Gilbert is in love with you."

"No she's not."

"Oh Damon, do you really think that? Miss goody two shoes doesn't want to ruin your friendship so she keeps it to herself. And look at her now, going after Stefan like some lost puppy now that she doesn't have you. I wonder if she's fucking him yet? I bet she's thinking of you while she's with Stefan. Or I could be wrong. Maybe she realized that she wasn't in love with you and Stefan is the love of her life. Can you see it Damon? Little babies with brown hair and green eyes. How cute."

"Shut up Katherine! "

"Did I strike a nerve Damon?"

"Don't talk about her like-"

"Like what Damon? Like she's with your brother? That maybe she loves him and not you?"

"You don't know shit about her. Or them."

"Is that what has you drinking tonight Damon? That you don't know anything either? Aren't you happy for them?"

"Sure I am."

"Say it like you believe it honey. Cause I don't think you do. I think you feel more for Elena than you want to, maybe you don't even know it."

"You have no idea what you are talking about Katherine."

"I think I do, and Damon? If you want to keep me in your life you better forget about your feelings for her. Forget about her. I know for a fact Stefan would never choose anyone else over me."

"You know something?"

"What?"

"I never realized how much of a first class bitch you can be."

"Tsk. Tsk Damon. Name call me all you want, but the thing that counts is you know I love you, and you love me back. That's what matters. Now come back to bed."


	6. Five

**Chapter 5  
**

**September 2013**

It's the end of summer, everyone is at the Gilbert lake house. Swimming, smiling, soaking up the rays of sun, and relishing in what is most likely the last warm weekend they will get.

Elena is happy.

She has her friends, her family, and the place her parents loved to use as their getaway. This is her most favorite place in the world. Not even Disneyland where her parents always took her and Jeremy. While it was a fun vacation it was always too hot and her and Jer argued most of the time. About the most stupid things, which ride to go on, who's turn it was to pick what to eat for dinner, when to go swimming, what time to get up. All things that shouldn't have mattered. Their parents had swore never again. Though never again happened every year, and every year they would say the same thing.

This place held memories for every year of Elena's life. And for the years she couldn't remember she had pictures to remind her. Lucky for her she remembers a lot. This was where she had her first kiss, her first break-up where she cried on her moms shoulder on this very dock. Jeremy broke his arm here, her Dad caught the grill on fire on the patch of grass right next to the steps of the porch. Her mom planted her favorite flowers every year, dahlias, along the front of the house. And those were just a few of the memories that flooded her whenever she got lost in thought about this place.

The first summer Damon and Stefan came to the lake with them was when their mother passed away, the worst thing that happened to Damon, what changed him irrevocably. Giuseppe could barely function so her mother offered to take all four kids to the lake for two weeks. Elena thought in that moment her mother was an angel sent from God, later in life she realized that was exactly what her mother was, but then all she knew was she would be alone with Damon Salvatore for two whole weeks. She shopped for six whole hours with Caroline for the perfect bathing suite, and when it came time to pack she choose each outfit carefully. She wanted Damon to look at her like he looked at every other girl. For over a year she sat on the side lines and played the dutiful best friend, but on the inside all she wanted was for him to see her, really see her.

Yet here she was almost ten years later, still on the sidelines.

The minute he walked into her life over nine years ago he consumed her. She was thirteen years old, just starting the eighth grade. Damon and Stefan had just moved back after years away. She had barely remembered them. Damon was a year older than her and Stefan a year younger.

_"I can't go to homecoming with you Matt."_

_"Why not?"_

_"We broke up for a reason. We are better as friends."_

_"Come on El."_

_"Matt. Ask Caroline."_

_"No."_

_"I don't know what to tell you then."_

_"Elena, I don't want to go alone. You won't leave me hanging will you?"_

_"I believe the lady said no." That was the first time she heard his voice. Smooth as silk. She turned and saw the most beautiful guy she knew she'd ever see. He had the bluest of blue eyes and his hair like coal. A perfect match with his light skin._

_"And who are you?"_

_"Damon Salvatore, her date."_

_"I didn't know you had a date El."_

_"Well you didn't bother to ask."_

_"You can get lost now pretty boy."_

_She held back a laugh at how Matt backed away as if he were afraid of this stranger._

_"Well Damon Salvatore thanks for the save. He just won't give up. Hates I dumped him."_

_"Well...Miss I don't know your name he got the message now."_

_"Elena Gilbert."_

_"Can I walk you home Miss. Gilbert?"_

_"Sure."_

_"Want to send pretty boy the message after all."_

_"And what are you my night in shinning armor?"_

_"No. It's Salvatore as in Savior."_

_"Your pretty full of yourself, aren't you?"_

_"You have no idea."_

He took her books and carried them with his own. He threw his other arm over her shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world. They walked home like that everyday until he got a car.

He was right though, he wasn't a knight in shinning armor. He had an attitude, he didn't care what people thought, he always got into trouble with his father. He lashed out because he hated being second best to Stefan when he was first. It only got worse when his mother died. He had no problem making enemies, but a huge problem making friends. Somehow she was the only one he could seem to tolerate. Even girlfriends didn't last long. There was either something wrong with them or they figured out that Damon would never be what they wanted him to be. No one accepted him like she did.

She watches him and Katherine in the water and it makes her feel sick. Katherine Peirce was the second worst thing that happened to Damon.

When Damon met Katherine his senior year she wouldn't give him the time of day, but she loved to watch him chase after her. And he did, the great Damon Salvatore made a fool out of himself for a girl that never wanted more. He wooed her in every way you can imagine, until finally he gave up. That was when Katherine got angry, and went after Stefan. Damon figured that maybe that's why she wouldn't date him, she wanted his brother, so he told Stefan to go for it. And go for it Stefan did.

Stefan and Kat were so good together. She genuinely made him happy and she seemed happy too. That only lasted until Kat saw that Damon was moving on.

She watches Damon's smile, and it just makes her sad. There is nothing Elena wouldn't give to be in Katherine's place.

She wishes that Jeremy never invited Damon, but she couldn't bare to tell him not to. Plus she was the one that decided that she needed their friendship as much as he did.

Damon reached out to Jeremy once he saw the path Jer was taking after their parents death. He started using drugs, staying out at all hours, and scaring the hell out of Elena. Ever since then him and Damon have had a close friendship. Elena was glad he had that, even if it was with Damon. He needed it.

"This is never going to work with us is it Elena?"

"Oh, hey."

"You were kind of deep in thought."

"Side tracked."

"Elena." Stefan sits down next to her and takes her hand in his. He knows where this conversation has to go. "Tell me whats going on."

"I...I don't want to lie to you, Stefan."

"We've been friends for a really long time, I don't want you to lie either."

"I love you Stefan, I always have. That has never been the problem."

"I didn't think it was. He is the problem, the reason you don't do relationships. The first night we had dinner at my place I knew there was something up. You just didn't seem comfortable. I thought it was just because you were nervous, but every time you have come over these past two weeks it the same. Then I realized you haven't seemed comfortable in weeks. I tried to remember the last time you were. It was with Damon. I had my suspicions, but I wasn't completely sure. Your in love with him, aren't you?"

"Stefan..."

"Come on Elena, as I said we have been friends for a really long time. I knew that you guys had this connection but I wasn't fully aware of how much you loved him until this minute. I saw the way you were looking at him and Kat. Your jealous and your in love. I'm sort of mad I haven't noticed before, or maybe I did see it but I just ignored it because I know he doesn't deserve you."

"I never asked to fall in love with him. I tried to stop it, but it just wouldn't. I could never shake him."

"You can't help who you fall in love with Elena, but it-"

"But it doesn't matter he will never be in love with me Stefan. That is why I had to let go. I tired to move on from something that was nothing."

"You are the only person he tells his secrets to, every fear, every hope, every thought he's had you know it. When our mother died I never thought he'd let anyone get close to him. He barely talked to me and I'm his brother, he just kept him self locked away in his room. Three weeks after the funeral, Dad was away on business and I went to check on Damon only to find him gone. I knew where he was and I knew he'd be okay. He came home the next day and seemed just a little bit more Damon than I'd seen in weeks. He's spent a decade putting all of him into your friendship. He doesn't put even half of that into his relationships."

"Katherine." She nods towards them.

"When Damon first met her he said he was going to marry her and yet he doesn't trust her like he trusts you. Talk about wanting what you can't have. That's Damon. He wanted to run Dad's company contrary to Dad not even wanting him on the board, yet he did it anyway. He convinced himself that he was in love with her. Those are just two of Damon's wrong choices."

"He sees me as a best friend, the sister he never had."

"Maybe you should just tell him Elena."

"He was the only thing that got me though my parents death. The one person who has never let me down, never left, never doubted me. He saved me Stefan. I wished I drowned with my parents, and he made me realize there was still stuff to live for, to fight for, that Jeremy needed me. The way he looked at me and said how good he thought I was, how much I deserved. I just felt so loved. He made me believe. Maybe I can't be his right hand anymore but if he really needed me I'd be there. He'd do the same for me I can't loose that. No matter what I tell myself or anyone. I can't tell him."

"Katherine always gets what she wants."

"I thought you were what she wanted."

"Katherine wants it all."

"And your going to let her?"

"Nobody lets Katherine do anything, she does, she takes, she conquers."

"But your his brother."

"When two brothers love the same girl it doesn't matter. He'll say I'm being jealous that I didn't get her and I'm lashing out."

"Lashing out is Damon's job. I'm sorry Stefan."

"For what?"

"You loved her too."

"I knew what Katherine was like when I met her, I knew Damon wanted her. When she asked me out and he told me he was over it to go for it I should have known. That's why I bowed out Elena. He deserves to be happy. You know how Dad treated him and after we lost our mom it got worse. He worked so hard to get everything. It was all handed to me. I wanted to give something back to him."

"Your a good guy Stefan, I know your going to find someone who will love you and only you. You deserve better than her. You both do."

"You deserve someone who really loves you Elena. There are times when I see Damon look at you where I just think he's fooling himself. He just can't admit admit it, or won't. Him and Katherine are alike in that way. They have to conquer."

"Ruin everything just to get what they couldn't have? How can they be so destructive?"

"I guess so. So I say lets just be. You and me Elena. Whatever we are."

"Deal."

Stefan holds onto Elena. They are wishing it was other people, they both know it and somehow that's okay.


End file.
